Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in are_you_in026's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 15th, 2008
7:22 pm	NIU massacre Yesterday our school expirenced a horrible slaying of 5 innocent lives. One i went to high school with and hung out with. Its been over 24 hours and i am still in complete shock. Please pray for the dead and the wounded and their families. RIP Dan P. Forever a Huskie (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
11:21 am	Its tough to watch friends go through hard break-ups. Yet also its tough not to look at it and see just how far you have come when at one point you were at that low. Relationships are the greatest and worst things in the world. that being said, i have celebrated valentines day in the past for how much i loved being in relationships, this year however will be one giant fuck you to all the bad things that relationships carry. Should be fun (Comment on this)
Friday, February 1st, 2008
3:38 am	"Fate Loves the Fearless" so sleep is a rare commodity now, at night that is. i have no problem passing out in the middle of a sev and haz weather lecture that i should be listening to. however my ramblings wont be about school right now. School is going really well as a matter of fact. I'm fitting in well, i have a good amount of friends, and a few lady interests that i am going to pursue. What more could you ask for. However my light nights have made my mind very adventurous. I think a lot while listening to Champagne Supernova by Oasis. I keep on asking myself questions I know i can't answer with complete confidence. Tonight for instance. I was lying in bed and i thought to myself, if love never dies, then when you "fall out of love", were you ever really in love to begin with? I feel very scarred from the past when it comes to relationships, especially the last one i was in. And while yes I am over it and I am excited to pursue new things and very ready to put the past relationship exactly where it belongs (the past). I find myself kind of new to the game. I feel at one point I was more smooth and more fluid when it came to being able to spark up a nice conversation. Now i have a lot of fear, i get scared that what happened in my past relationship will happen again. And albeit, i can't go through that pain again. I also am holding on to quite a bit of anger and resentment that have led me to take measures into controlling things that were not controlled to begin with, but thats a long story. My roommate told me something the other night. "fate loves the fearless." This, my friends (who don't read this) is what is making me lift up my head in order to get to the point i want to be. I feel that no truer words can be spoken. Keep you loved ones close, and your enemies closer. goodnight (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 27th, 2008
5:11 pm	weird Life is strange, we're told that all hard times we go through is purely for the sake of learning and growing, but what happens when all we have learned seems to get you to a moot point or contradictions and dead ends. I find myself now stuck in a place where i feel like i can't accomplish anything as easy as I once could, and I keep trying to justify that in the sense that life gets harder as we get older. Its crazy to think back about the past and realize all the things i have gone through, that somehow has led to this exact moment in time. I am beginning to feel like i need to take a big leap forward into the next step of my life. My plan is to go to FSU and finish all my schooling there. I just feel stuck here, and i feel like this is a home for the things that used to be, and the only way to feel like i have gained something big out of it, is to move on. although i know that i could just be acting like a little bitch right now that can't stop his mind from moving too fast, but only time will tell me what to do (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 27th, 2007
8:06 pm	Everything is a-changin i am reminded of a simpler sime in life. back in grade school when the only thing I ever worried about was having practice on saturday. My life radiated confidence, poise, and contentment. Yet, now i feel more than ever that i have lost a piece of my old self. Its back to the drawing board so to speak. Its time to make amends to the areas in my life that have gone untouched for so long. I miss things, yet I do know that the past is simply that. I am back to the feelings of desparation, desparation for conversation and the feelings of the nights i wish could last forever. I have good friends, good grades, and a generally easy life. The only thing that I lack is the connections. the ones similar to the connections i had back in high school. Life is full of twists, turns, forks, curves, dead ends, and open roads. Its easy to want to turn around for the fear of whats to come, but hell. I could use an adventure. Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 15th, 2007
2:53 am	oh dear so, life is good. however i read these posts by others and i can't help but feel intellectually unsatisfied since school has let out. i try to keep from becoming brain-dead by reading novels like "The Time Machine" and I am going to start "The Count of Monte Cristo". My problem is that i don't feel challenged, I am sure that will change when school starts though. I am starting my Meteorology studies and can't wait to see what comes of it. The more I think about it, the less i feel "fit" for highly intellectual conversations, but simply listening to them satisfies me until i feel i can hit the level so I may be taken seriously. Jim had a BBQ yesterday. I love listening to that group talk, it is never something old. Also everyone seems to think my jokes are somewhat funny, although i am sure they are laughing at me haha (not gay by the way) Also played a little Ultimate Frisbee, who knew that a bunch of band guys could be so awesome at a sport. these guys can run circles around me. although i am a fat-ass at heart. P.S. Subway is the worst job any college kid could have during the summer, actually to correct that last statement, it is the worst job anyone could have period Back to reading (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 27th, 2007
1:53 am	oh brother ever feel like the people closest to you cant stand you? its a bad feeling. although i try to stay positive, and try not to piss people off. however, something always happens. i could use a day of relaxation...badly at least there are some decent people in the world (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 9th, 2007
10:43 pm	here it goes oh memories. id love to play with the shallow footing guys again.. im still in love with sharon doyle! im at niu thats it for whats new (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
12:20 am	hello there very long time...no write. Why do you ask? no one reads this anymore, no one is on here, and i anticapate that no one will read this. sooooo i suppose ill write a bit for me to read in the future. Lets see, school has started. im at kishwaukee college, and pending a meeting on wed, i will either be starting at Northern Illinois University for this spring semester, or summer. im shooting for spring. I will most likely be undecided when i start, but i am learning about myself and what i want to do with my life, i dont think art is it. So until i get to NIU i will only be semi-happy with school. I live with ryan craig now, its fun stuff although he goes to bed really early. Its fun to hang out with him and live with a friend, hes around enough so we get to hang out, but not too much to where we get annoyed with each other, so its cool. I get to see peter and zach often cause they are at NIU so that is cool. I get to see sharon a bunch also, shes at NIU. Its pretty awesome being here around her. I was worried last year about how things this year were going to be, and i definitly didnt think it was gonna be as awesome as this. i thought it was going to be fun, but its college, you dont know what to expect. so i am very happy about that. also, she is just an amazing girl, i seriously think she knows me better than i know myself, in fact, i dont think anyone knows more about me than her. she will tell me how she feels about certain things i am unsure of, and what she says just makes sense, something i cant always do on my own. its pertty awesome having a amazing girl like her. oh yea and our one year was like a month an a half ago. i am so proud to hit that mark, and i am so happy that we are still in love with each other and are not getting bored. theres really nothing i wouldnt do for her. im musically inactive, and it sucks badly. although i need to stay about of a band for my grades, its the best thing for me. and i still play. my sister has a boyfriend....its scary i miss home, but i like not living there, is that weird? i mean im getting older and im starting to really rely on myself, and i like it, but a small part of me misses being pampered and fed by my mom every night. my mom and sister miss me and tell me they do, and my dogs give me a good welcome everytime i come home. it makes me feel like my lack of presence is noticed, and people like it when im around. i miss shallow footing still, i wish i could go back and play some old songs with everyone, but i think we all know that ship has long since passed. i need sleep, i have class at 8. no ones reading this so i suppose i could say mean things about everyone, i wont, but i could. if you read this...comment (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 20th, 2006
1:23 am	up da te so its been a while, probably because its the summer and there are far better things i should and could be doing then writing in this live journal, plus how many 19 year olds post regularly anyway... sharon is amazing, being in love is pretty much the best thing in the world. her birthday is saturday, i cant wait!!! work sucks, i really wanna quit...damn the money for being not bad. im pretty sick of taking peoples shit, like stupid drivers who wont help someone out, or stupid bosses who need to know what i am doing, when i am doing it, and why. if i was 30 and working there like most of those guys, i would not be able to stand it. reapplication to NIU is in and i am waiting...keep your fingers crossed for me. im pretty sure i got kicked out of on the reload. we havent practiced for like 2 weeks, they came and picked up the PA and amps and what not, i think they are trying to hint that im out...which actually works out well because, as shitty as it sounds, i was pretty much in it just to play music, not really write... something about it is boring, the music isnt high energy at all, and as talented as the two of them are, watching an on the reload show is like watching a band of zombies. and thats fine and all, but coming from a band like shallow footing made me appreciate the energy i got from music, and on the reload didnt even come close to that. Ive lost what i had for music, and i want it back...so if any band is looking for a guitarist and just so happens to be looking at this...let me know. i miss shallow footing, it would be awesome to play with them again im done good night (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
9:07 pm	wow, long time its been a while since ive updated it, sharons in california, she has been since sunday, and i miss her a lot...but its tursday night, and three days from now she will be home. sharons also graduation soon, im exicted for her! even though i knew it was coming. i love and miss her a lot family things kinda blow, our relationships are good, but theres a certain someone who is a two-faced ass hole...but whatever, im not gonna spend my time dwelling on something thats not even worth it. bands cool, no shows yet, im working on it. ive been working more, and making more money which makes me feel good. OH, prom was a blast...the crystal garden was cool, and the atmosphere was awesome...the boat was also fun however i dont think we danced at all on the boat...but who could blame us, 7 hours of dancing is a lot...warren, val, tony, bronwyn, and sharon and I came back here afterwards for a few hours which was fun, at 6 the girls left and we picked them up around noon the next day for breakfast at egg harbor and the dunes which was a lot of fun, even though it was freezing, we had a girll that wouldnt light...it was really fun. i cant wait for the summer so i can see sharon more! only one week for her and four weeks for me!!! Current Mood: grateful (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 8th, 2006
1:25 am	uppppppppdateeeeeee sharon just went to bed and i dont know what to do with myself....haha. so whats new...prom is coming up, im excited, the dances are 10 times more fun when you dont go to the school anymore. so i cant wait for that, thats in two weeks. what else. i took sharon on a date today for dinner, and then movie after with some friends. dinner was hilarious. i wanted a burger but there wasnt a page for burgers that me or her could find in our menus, and like 20 mins into trying to figure out what we wanted we both at the EXACT same time were like OHHHH we missed a page, it was really funny, you probably had to be there. we saw ice age the meltdown, go see it its awesome. hmm whatelse. i need a new job, hopefully ill get the job at panera, that would be cool. russell just farted, nasty. im happy im talking to jordan more, i cant wait till shaun comes, i should be a better friend on the reload is having a show on thursday...you can come if your over 21.....should be fun, but i have to stay in chicago for like 9 hours which blows. were getting more shows in elmhurst for some all ages fun. im sure im forgetting fun things that have happened, but im tired i love sharon a lot...like...a lot, she makes me smile like this :) i need sleep night (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
7:46 pm	ugh what a boring day...cant wait till its over (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
12:37 am	so im bored and my love is sleeping, so i was reading everyones old live journal entrys. i read jordans, peters , and ryans. its pretty crazy how much has changed. most things changed after shallow footing, but its hard to believe how close we were, and how even though were still close we dont see each other that much, mainly ryan for moving to wisconsin. i miss that guy, also dale. it blows having some of your friends move far away, it shows how you truly have to work for friendship. its really cool to see them however when they are in town. i cant complain, peters here, and most of my high school friends are here, some peoples friends all moved away, so im lucky. also i have an amazing girlfriend, she keeps me going. i love sharon with everything i have. but as far as the old live journals, as much as they brought back some memories, i think one part was the best. its from peters and it was what he said about something random about me, it says "You indefinetly a fat bitch. Because you're totally awesome to be with unless when you don't get to have fun or eat or your tired." was i that bitchy haha, peter answer that. anyway tomorrow is gonna be sweet, i have class till 11 and sharons coming over after and that excites me, so im gonna get some sleep. night p.s. ryan, come back for a weekend or something so we can jam/peanut butter (thats for sharon :) ) p.p.s will someone comment, i dont have cooties Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
2:05 pm	haha, only three people will actually get this....most likely just one WOW what a hit! (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
2:39 am	update lets see, what has happened recently....well what hasnt valentines day came...it was awesome. sharon made me a card, which she spent a long time making. and it was absolutly amazing, it had all these beads and decorations and love quotes, and even a kiss mark with lip stick, ive heard that takes some time so im very impressed. she also made me a amazing cheesecake with carmel, chocolate, and peanuts...kinda like a snickers cheesecake. its yummy. i love her. what i did for her was i bought her a half dozen roses and gave it to her before school...and she gave me blistex :) because my lips are always dry, that has since been destroyed and eaten by my dog, idiot. but anyway after school i made her chicken paremesian under candle light, which was awesome. and i got her a build-a-bear and dressed it like me :) it was her favorite and mine as well. it was a awesome day. also was mine and sharons 6 month!!!! wow i cant believe its been that long, time flies when you spend time with someone you love so much. we didnt do to terribly much on the actual day....well thats a lie, her band concert was that night, so i went with val...it was good, i like the band, and she played wonderfully. afterwards we went back to her house to exchange gifts, first was hers, she got me low cut socks, cause i look goofy in longer ones haha, also three really awesome long sleve shirts. i love them, then i gave her the poem i made for her...which took me forever to write cause i never had written one before, but she loved it, and i also bought her a braclet which looks like vines...its cool, if you wanna see at it, look at sharons arm haha. other then that everything else is going swimmingly...schools good, got the good grades and such...should be hearing from northern anyday....but tomorrow seeing how its sunday. credits should transfer which is cool. other then that, nothing too much...ill see you all on the flip side p.s. i love sharon (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
1:04 am	shallow footing...as told by me so...for about 4 years being in a band has been a huge part of my life...i spent 3 awesome years creating and playing in shallow footing...it ended as all 5 of us grew up and found out who we are. afterwards i joined on the reload...but as fortunate as i am to have had these expirences...i feel...empty musically. i dont feel like i even know what i want...and i feel maybe its time to put that dream behind me. dont get me wrong...i love music, and i love guitar. but having what i had with shallow footing, then going to on the reload kinda turned me off to writing music...heres kinda a story of my expirences. theres just so much more to start a band then join it...its like you have some control to where the band is headed. and when i was in shallow footing everything was awesome and horrible at the same time. in the beginning it was great...just two stupid kids who got bored and started playing instruments and started a band. we used to ride our bikes to guitar center and play...eventually we picked up nick on bass. and thats kinda when we started writing. me and andrew wrote the songs to begin with, i remember the day andrew bought his drum set...it was a good set but the cymbals were seriously sheet metal spray painted brass colored...they sounded so bad, but thats how you start. we used to play allllll incubus covers. like drive, pardon me, and circles...oh circles...i remember when we played it, i had my old 15 watt crap amp and i blew it out. it was sweet haha. we wrote two songs with nick in the band. front foot forward and shoulderline. both were not named untill jim came. so days of incubus covering and writing followed. we got miko, he started as kinda a singer/guitarist. but when you cover incubus...you cant really have two guitarists. with this line up we had our first show. it was new years eve 2002, and we all set up at nicks house...an exciting list of cover songs, no originals were quite finished at this point. we bought a microphone for miko, but he didnt want to sing so it was pretty much just me andrew and nick, but miko played guitar for some of the songs. it was the first of sevral shows. eventually, since we were playing pretty much all incubus convers, our need for miko seemed nonexistant and we decided to let him go. and after that is when the writing really started. the summer between my sophmore year and junior year...andrew went to the car show and saw jim, somehow they got talking about music and asked if jim wanted to sing for us, but he has to hear us first. jim roller bladed over a few days later, he roller bladed like 2 miles to come play with us, he listed and wrote the lyrics to front foot forward which was our first song. after that Jim decided to join...finally after a years worth of searching, ourband was complete......for now. after the band was full, we felt somthing was still kinda missing...we then decided to ask for miko back and he accepted. then came holloween junior year. i had a house party...we were ready to reveal shoulderline to everyone. and jim andrew and miko showed up...but nick never showed. he said he had to watch his sister, except we saw him driving past my house never coming, he ditched us and the decision was made to kick him out...immediatly miko said he knew someone perfect for the part...peter, who never played bass before in his life, was added. he bought a bass and amp and learned, he learned well and quickly. everything was going well, we were writing and having shows. mostly house parties. then was our chance to play for the talent show...to be honest, none of us even thought that we had a chance to make it. we auditioned, and i recieved a call that night from my friend bret whose sister was a judge, and we were apparently the favorite band of all the judges and we were picked. we were extatic. i remember being so nervous the first time on stage in front of hundreds of students...then the second time we played that day, it felt so natural and i loved it...the night show we got recorded, and to hear people screaming for us was just amazing. after the talent show, during spring break, we decided to record an album. jims brother wanted to go into recording and had some mics, and we live recorded the first CD which we titled "Hey, We've Got a CD!". as lucky as we were to have someone take the time to record it...it wasnt that great, we rushed it and didnt plan most of it. but it was a learning process, and we were on a CD, we didnt care. the time between that and the talent show senior year was filled with happiness, and anger. we were all clean...no drugs or alcohol or anything, all music. but as the stress of girls got higher, and the constant battle for control between me and everyone else got bad...things changed. we were a family, we knew everything and told everything to each other. we would have times where we would just sit and talk, because its not all about music, its about friendship as well. but in the winter of senior year, or last you you could say...the friendships were fading. it became a civil war with in the band. 2 on 2, with one right in the middle. its ironic that we wrote the best songs under these circumstances. but the fights came...the lying came. some members started smoking and drinking behind everyones back. i was trying to play parents and clean everything up, but it would make things worse. this went on for a few months. then came the talent show senior year. we played one of our newest songs at the time named Johnny Storms got nothing on me. and the performance was better then the year before. lots of screaming people, and a more comfort on stage. but off the stage things kept getting worse and worse. then in late march early april or 2005, me and peter were driving to practice, when we got there we walked in and jim, miko, and andrew were sitting on the couch. they said that it was in the best intrests of our friendship and musical wants and needs, to have the band go their own ways. the feeling of shock and anger came over me. to watch something you created 3 years before crumble in a matter of seconds...it was unreal. there was crying by almost everyone...we all knew it...we couldnt write with out fighting, we couldnt get along...in the back of our heads it was the feeling that we knew it was going to end, but we tried to hide it and assume it would go away, and it didnt. we talked it out and we all decided that being friends was much more important then the band. but for the people who liked us we felt that one last show...to go on top, was only fair for them and us. i will remember that show for the rest of my life...i remember all of the show. it was an eere feeling of having fun playing, and knowing that every song we played, was going to be the last time we played it. and it ment something to us...and i remember looking up during deeper meanings...and everyone there practically was singing along...singing to our music...it was the best feeling in the world. we played the road signs lie to us last...and i remember playing my part at the end, i hit the last note of shallow footing and it was something that meant a lot to me, i closed it out. then the unthinkable happened, people who had followed us around for years came on stage crying, not just one, but a bunch of people. the came on the stage crying and started hugging us...and i remember thinking why i was so blind to not see all of this earlier. we all left sepratly but all knew that it was the greatest expierence of our lives. ending it was the hardest thing ive ever had to do...it was like ending a relationship, but strenthing our existing ones as well. i didnt really appreciate just what it all meant untill it was all gone and over with. i didnt appreciate the people who braved a blizzard to see us play, i didnt appreciate the time people put in to learn the words of our song. i didnt appreciate the attention and the popularity that came with it. and to be completly honest i miss every second of it and would love to do it again, but at the same time i know it cant happen. we arnt the same people, some of us are too into certain things to know whats going on, others have other plans in mind. its hard to replace the expierence with it, and with on the reload, it just doesnt compare. but i am so lucky to have been through it thank you jim for being logical, for your beautiful lyrics, and being at the car show that night. you have made me a better person and its really cool were hanging out again, you really helped to shape who i am Miko: for coming back after we let you go, you brought the presence that made us what we were, you made me more confedent to be on stage and we would all have been the rocks if it wasnt for you, also for putting up with everything that youve put up with and still smiling, your a great musician Andrew: for all the expirences weve had together growing up, and for forcing us to work when we were too lazy to work. good luck with everything Peter: for picking up a foreign instrument and learning it when we asked you to. for standing next to me through every musical expirence ive been through and im looking forward to starting something new with you Dale: for lending us the money to buy the PA, you didnt have to do that, but we are forever in your debt, you were the sixth member. the listeners: you showed me just how much our work payed off, it was great to have people that wanted to hear us...thank you and finally...Shallow Footing: for giving me a release for my happiness, anger, and everything. i will always remember the expirences i had with everyone in the band. no matter how bad the week was...there was always saturday nights Current Mood: accomplished (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
12:13 pm	im so cool... so im on a incubus tangent. and i have to say, i like it. click Current Mood: zzzzzzz (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
1:41 am	so...today....amazing. today was mine and sharons 5 months. as well as val and warrens 2 month. so they planned on coming to my house during while i was in class and cooking pizza, and having me go shopping till like 4 untill they finished. it was a great suprise, but i almost ruined it. i called her and she asked where iw as, and i said i needed to come home before shopping, i didnt know they were there cause it was a suprise and all. so aparently they had to hide the dough in my sisters room, and run to bronwyns house to hide untill we left. so luckily i didnt see anything and we went shopping. afterwards i picked up warren and went straight home, sharons car was already there. i walked in and sharon and val had two heart shaped pizzas with flowers on the table. it was awesome, unfortunetly bronwyn didnt tell me not to eat, so i was already kinda full. but it was still really good. for dessert, sharon and val set up a scavenger hunt. first was snickers, and it had notes with lyrics on it, part of which were underlined which led us to the room with the next present/clue. next was a teddy bear in the tv room, then a clip on tie in my room. and finally they hid downstairs as we went down in my pool room. the lights were off and the pool table was covered in flower pedals and candles also it had a glass cube with colored lights and such that said i love you, which was really cool. on the table there was two flowers with notes on them, one for me and one for warren, and they both asked us to turn-a-bout. it was awesome, it was the nicest most thoughtful thing anyone has done for me. i love sharon. afterwards we watched Titanic....haha, and we cuddled and such. it was an absolutly amazing night. i have the best girlfriend anyone could ask for and im so fortunte to have someone who loves me as much as i love her. secondly yesterday, i bought bowling shoes, theres cool. me peter and harrison went bowling for three hours, played 6 games. it was cool, especially the last game where we did x-treme bowling. we picked crazy ways to bowl such as spinning around 10 times then trying to bowl. it was nuts and a lot of fun. when we left peter gave this girl his number who had her dad next to her who just so happened to be an alcoholic. and hes like who the fuck do you think you are giving a girl your number in front of her father. turn the fuck around and go, but she took the number and texted him after we left. it was quite the risk on peters part. well i have to get some sleeeeeep. night everyone i miss and love sharon Current Mood: ::happy sigh:: (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
9:39 pm	so this should be cool If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad -- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you. Current Mood: dorky (2 Comments |Comment on this)